Who is going to shape the groom?

India as a country is a paradox of sorts. Not only that, it is also a juicy mix of extremes. While the blossoming metros like Bombay (presently, called Mumbai), Bangalore or Delhi seem to thrive on rich international standards and tastes, the majority of the country rests entwined in it's own past glory, traditions and life.

As a thorough Bombay girl (I spent most of my life in Bombay), my eyes were never accustomed to the "real" India as people call it. I always thought that India was what I saw:  new restaurants, thriving international businesses, towering sky scrapers....

And then, after my marriage I realized that I was sadly and ignorantly mistaken. India is still old in a lot of ways. And old doesn't necessarily mean bad. As I travelled along the nation's rich countryside and smaller towns, I realized that what I saw in the movies were actually truly. People still live in mud houses. Some cities  do not have sky scrapers. The charpai is still a common bedroom accessory. And, there are several youth who have never seen a McDonald's burger.

A country's development and progress cannot be measured by the hip element of its metropolitan youth, that is for certain. While a majority of my native land lives in the old days, a majority still relies on past lifestyles too.

Sadly though, when it comes to most Indian marriages, whether its a developed metro here or small town, most attitudes are the same. When a girl, a daughter is about to be married off, every elder in the family, especially the elderly women in that family, from the grandmothers to the aunts, the grand aunts and even the mother's friends counsel the girl on what she must and mustn't do, what she must and mustn't say, how she must and mustn't cook etc. Not to forget the evergreen advice given to a mature girl, "never question your elders, especially in-laws."

A lot goes into "grooming" a prospective bride in India. Typical Indian families actually start the grooming when a girl is merely 10 or 12. This ridiculous concept is not just followed in the villages or smaller towns in India, it is followed in the major cities too...the ones where multi-national companies thrive.

So much effort goes into the making of an Indian bride, right from her attitude to her dress sense to her behaviour and ability to bear children that no one remembers to shape the groom. This is probably why a majority of Indian grooms end up misbehaving with their new wives. A girl is told to practically worship the ground her in-laws and husband walk on. Why? And for what?

It would honestly make so much sense to shape both, a new bride and groom equally. In the old days, women were expected to stay home while the man became the main bread winner. This is the only reason men were put on a pedestal back then. It's high time that pedestal were broken down into teeny tiny pieces, because in this world, a woman, any woman is fit to play the role of anything and anyone.

Someone once said that the development of a nation can only be measured by the state of it's female population. Well then, unfortunately for us we have more than miles to go. It's sad that in a country where we worship Indian Goddesses like Durga, Kali, Saraswati - we still torment young women and wives.

Maybe we should start with the simple things, like grooming a groom to be a man and not spoilt boy. Maybe, for a change, we should shape our future grooms into modest young men.

Cause till there is a concrete answer to the question 'Who is going to shape the groom?", things will remain the same.